Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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