The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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