Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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