My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
