Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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