maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
