Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
