every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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