A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
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