Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
