i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Buhtt sex?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
