i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
