So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
