Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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