I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
