its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
