Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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