her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
