i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
