I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
