I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
