Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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