don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
