I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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