He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize