drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
