Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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