It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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