final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This baby is an asshole
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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