my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize