"it" just moved
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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