Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
