i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
