So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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