I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
