I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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