Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
