He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just want nice things and good sex
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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