Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize