The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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