spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
