its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
