If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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