Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
