Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
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