he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
