If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
