it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
