Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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