Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
