your room smells of hookers.
And success
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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