idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
