Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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