You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
