awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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