____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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