i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
