THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
