You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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