Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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