He kissed a someone with a penis
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
