Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
