ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
