He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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