Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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