I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
