You made me cry and you don't even care
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
