Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
