$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
