& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
