Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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