Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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