hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
