I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
