Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
