Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
